


Holding It Together

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Adoption, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Disability, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Love, Severus Snape Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21700450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: Hermione has spent her whole life holding things together. Her friendships, the war effort, school, work, and even her own body.Pain is not a normal state of existence; even if it's all you have ever known.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger
Comments: 17
Kudos: 90





	Holding It Together

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you MrsRen for betaing this for me, this plunny hit me at three am in the morning one night and I had to write a few paragraphs.
> 
> I have EDS, and don't they say write what you know? Most of this was written from my bed. And in a way this is to tell people whose doctors suggest wheelchairs they can be you freedom, not your limits.

  
  


Hermione Jean Malfoy wasn't always like this; she wasn't always a person who regularly struggled to make it to the loo. Once upon a time, she had fought in a war. Once upon a time, she was an unspeakable. Once upon a time, she had dreamed of being a mother. 

And once upon a time, she thought she could have everything her and Draco had dreamed of. 

Reality, it seemed, had another idea on such things. Hermione had lived in pain for as long as she could remember, it was just part of her normal. Growing up, she thought everyone’s joints ached when they stood too long, that everyone’s hands shook when they wrote too much. That everyone sprained various joints regularly. 

To her, it was just who she was. It was her lot in life, but surely wasn't it others as well? For as long as she could remember, she was able to twist her joints in ways most could never do. When she was young, it got shrieks of laughter and _“That’s gross,”_ from other children. 

Hermione’s father could do the same things to a point, so neither of her parents questioned if that the loose joints were the cause of her pain. Not that she ever really brought it up, after her pediatrician called it growing pains and told her it was normal and to just _take a Tylenol_. Looking back she wondered if that nasty woman was simply telling her to suck it up, buttercup. To stop being a big baby. Who would say that to a child? A child who only wished that she was not enough pain that regularly left her curled into a ball at night silently crying. 

Her first noticeable acts of magic was an accidental silencing charm on her room. 

Hermione tried not to bring up unless it was truly bad, and as she got older what was defined as truly bad became more and more painful. Hogwarts was a distraction and an escape from such things. Who would've thought worrying about dying each year would be better than the pain she experienced day in and day out. 

She never mentioned it to Ron and Harry. Hermione had decided long before she met them that it was not worth wasting the words to explain something if no one was ever going to do anything about it. The girl and then a woman who lived and died by understanding things; never bothered to research the symptoms that would one day leave her homebound. 

Hermione reached for the cup of tea on her bedside table. Her hands shook, there was a time not too long ago that she could run miles without much of a struggle. Yes, she would pay for it, everything had a cost, but now running seemed like a lifetime ago, even though it was only a few years ago she had done such things. 

The light streamed through the windows, through the sheer white curtains. Hermione sat the teacup back down. Draco would be home soon, she wanted to at least have done something before he got home. She did not want Narcissa to snark at her across the dining room table. The only way to do that was to get up and do something. Maybe. Sometimes the woman made comments even if she did try and do something. 

Because of her, the woman who was supposed to be her family. Now wished that Draco would divorce her. Then marry someone who could give them the heir the Malfoy family desperately desired. To her, Hermione was just the broken toy to toss in the trash and be done with. Draco disagreed with that sentiment, insisting marriage was for as long as both parties wanted to be married. As long as both parties loved one another. 

And Hermione and him were still just as in love with one another as the day they married. 

She undressed slowly, trying desperately to make no movement that would cause a joint to slip out of place. But, she failed at that, just as she always did. Hermione had spent her life trying to control every single detail was because she couldn’t control her body. The ”know it all” some people called her did not truly know it all. She did not know the way to prevent her body from falling apart before her own eyes. 

That was the most heartbreaking detail to ever realize. More heartbreaking than realizing if she ever had a child, there was a 50/50 chance of passing this horrible disease, this horrible disability to any child she had. That was why she and Draco decided not to have a biological child. Hermione could not knowingly curse her child with her disease. A condition with no cure. Neither muggles nor magic could cure it.

************************

Hermione had been fine till she wasn’t. It was just a stupid accident. It could have happened to anyone. She was running late to work, she should of Apparated closer, but it was such a beautiful fall day and she enjoyed the walk. But, she did not check the time before she left, and did so as she walked through the streets of muggle London. 

Hermione didn’t think about the steps as she took them too fast. Her long limbs already cramping from what she could only describe to Draco as the feeling of her kneecap catching out of place. He looked at her with his sharp silver-blue eyes and said, ”Hermione, that's not possible.”

He would later learn that it was possible and so much more when it came to joints. 

She somehow missed the last two steps and crumbled like a house of cards. For a second she thought she had sprained her ankle something which happened so often she had learned the spell to fix it herself years ago. But then the pain hit her. The level of pain compared to when Bellatrix had sliced through her forearm carving _mudblood_ into it.

Her lower leg was totally numb. A muggle man who stated he was a doctor sat down next to and tried his best to help her, as someone else called an ambulance on their cell phone. Hermione’s face was red with shame how could she be so utterly stupid? She needed to get ahold of Draco, or Harry, or Ginny, or if all else failed, Narcissa. Who might question her why in Merlin’s name did she let the muggles take her? 

Why didn't she just get herself somewhere safe and get ahold of one of them. 

Later the muggle nurse, who helped her in the hospital turned out to be a squib and was able to get ahold of both Harry and Draco. She could at least avoid being told how stupid she was until she was home. Sometimes, Hermione wished that she and Draco had moved out of the manor, but it was his home, his inheritance and he wanted to be there. 

Though, the truth came out when he was truly good and drunk, and he told her sometimes he wished to just burn the whole damn thing down. Maybe that would wipe his nightmares away. Sometimes they say a drunk man’s words are the most honest, but she never brought that night up, and he never said such a thing like it again. 

**********************

Severus Snape of all people had visited today. Hermione both hated and respected the man. When so many had given up on finding something to help her, she turned to him. He of all people understood what it felt like to be in pain after his throat had nearly been ripped out by Nagini. Severus was never the same after that day, in good and bad ways. 

He learned that he at times could not stand alone against the world, that sometimes when someone reached out with a helping hand, you should take it. But most of all, he owed her. Hermione was not the type to hang a life debt over someone’s head. It just was not in her nature. She found the concept to be quite stupid, but when she had nowhere else to turn she turned to the man who owed her.

Hermione’s healers said there was nothing they could do. Magic wasn't good at fixing things that were in your very DNA. While muggles had no answers besides more surgeries and the pain medication, which left her feeling as if she was a ghost haunting the house instead of a person truly living. 

In his soft, wispy, broken voice, Severus asked her, “id the last potion we tried do anything? Any side-effects?”

Hermione answered, ”It helped me sleep the last few weeks. The pain doesn't wake me up as much or keep me up.”

He said, “That is good news, isn’t it?”

She responded, “But I am still just so fucking tired. It’s not just when I do something. It’s from stupid things. I tried walking through the gardens yesterday and I had to sit rest halfway through. Beyond that my joints are still slipping out of place. I dislocated my ring finger putting on my pants today, Severus. My bloody fucking pants.”

Severus said, “Hermione... potions can’t fix that. You know this. It’s the same reason I sound like some half drowned, angry cat most days. There is only so much magic can do. If you’re using the braces your muggle doctor gave you, it might be worth going back to them and asking about other options.”

Draco walked in the room, his eyes taking in every detail with the sharpness that came from being an Auror. These last few years had aged him decades, and that realization sat in her stomach like a rock. Because she knew she was the cause of such things. 

Draco said, “The doctors only suggest more surgeries or that she take to using a wheelchair. You of all people remember how well the last surgery went. She’s twenty-five, Severus. Twenty-five years old and you're suggesting that she listen to them and use a wheelchair.” His hands shook with anger and despair. He was far more upset by this than she was. It seemed to devastate him to voice what was to come, even if it was the right thing. Questioning the very thing that would change how they lived, but would it be for the better or worse?

************************

Hermione had given in on using the wheelchair. She did not regret her choice to do so, it was not as bad as she had made it out to be. It was not as clunky as she expected. It was at most fifteen pounds with the wheels on it. She could easily push it without dislocating her shoulders, though not for long distances. 

It meant however, she could get out of bed easier make it to the loo on her very worst days, and on her better days she could go out to dinner with her husband or do some basic shopping in muggle London. Not that she was that much into shopping. 

She took the potions that Severus made for her every day like clockwork, and the ones for pain as she needed them. 

Hermione said to Draco, “I know you want a child as I do.”

He said to her, “Hermione... I don’t need to have a child, I just want you to stay as healthy as you can be. I am happy with the way things are.”

She said, “I am asking you, Draco Malfoy if you want children, not if you want me to have said children.”

They were outside of a muggle restaurant in London, they were trying to do more things like this, things that she was capable of doing. She looked up at him from her wheelchair her brown eyes taking in his expression, his face barely showing any emotion. 

Then it was like a dam broke, and he said, ”Yes Hermione I want children more than anything.” He shut his eyes and started to weep, ”but I have long since given up on such foolish hopes.”

Hermione took her husband's left hand, she could not help but run the tip of her finger over his wedding band, it was a soft colored pale gold. It reminded her of the early morning light on a beach. It made her think back to their honeymoon just a short five years ago, but sometimes that felt as if it was a lifetime ago, so much had changed in those five years, but their love for one another was still the same. Just as strong as it had always been.

Her wild curls fell into her face, he pulled his hand from hers to brush it out of her face. Draco then said, “Hermione, why did you ask a question you already know the answer to?”

Hermione said, “Because Harry’s working on a case with child protective services. A set of twins, about the age of four need a new family, they have no living relatives. Their parents were killed by the Lestrange brothers. 

“Before you ask Draco, even with your history and your parent’s’ history, we have been pre-approved to adopt them if you say yes. Their father was a low ranking Ddeath Eeater who didn't fight on Voldemort’s side during the final battle or any side for that matter. No one else seems to want them because of that fact. 

It doesn't bother me, and I hope it doesn't bother you either.”

Draco said, ”I am no one who should judge someone because of who their parents are. I would love to adopt them. But why didn't you tell me earlier?”

Hermione said, “”Because I... I didn't want to get your hopes up. I worried about how you would feel if it didn't work out. You have been dealing with so much, these last few months especially, but Draco I know my condition has been hard on you for these last two years. A chronic illness affects the whole family not just the person with it. But I think things are finally coming together for us. And this is just the biggest high point of it.”

Draco kneeled down next to Hermione’s wheelchair and kissed her. She became utterly lost in it. With the stars above, the London street lights and the feeling of his lips on hers. Her new normal might not be the one she dreamed of as a child, but she could grow to accept it. Grow to love it. 

He said to her, “Hermione, what do we have to do to adopt them?”

She said, “Some forms, a few meetings, and so on, but I know a well respected Auror who just happens to be “the Boy Who Lived” who should be able to help us fast track things along. They should be home before Christmas.”

Draco said, “So two months. In two months we are going to be parents. What are their names?”

Hermione said, “Well, actually in two weeks we are going to be parents. We can foster them starting then after we fill out the paperwork. Their names are Amara and Scorpius.”

He whispered, “Amara and Scorpius Malfoy. Our children.” He then picked her up from her wheelchair carrying bridal style. And all she could do was laugh. 

Maybe this wasn’t exactly as they planned, but neither would trade this life for the world. Happiness wasn’t always sunshine and roses, but Ehlers Danlos Syndrome could not take everything from either of them. They would have their struggles, they would have their hard times, but they also would always have each other. 

And wasn’t that what family was for? Together they would carve out their happiness and their little family together. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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